Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
