turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think my moral compass just broke
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