I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
