you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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