who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
