what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
