his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
