fuck your aforementioned shoe
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
