When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
