Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
