Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
