She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
