Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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