Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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