If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
