i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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