I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
