Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
