Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
