I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
