On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
