I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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