That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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