remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
