Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
