he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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