my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
