Michael Bay diarrhea
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
