too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
