I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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