i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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