things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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