matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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