I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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