So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
false alarm. still invincible.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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