I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
