WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
