if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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