all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
