he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
