Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
