dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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