you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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