She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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