i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
