The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
