i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
