he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize