I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
