remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
