Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
