my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
