I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
50% drunk capacity currently
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
