I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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