billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
