i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
