i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
