I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You can't motorboat a personality
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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