I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
