When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
