Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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