gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
