dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
