No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
