Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
